The report is in!

My recovery cuppa...not quite the NHS dishwater in Styrofoam cup!

My recovery cuppa…not quite the NHS dishwater in Styrofoam cup!

Yesterday I went in for egg collection at Lister….let me tell you people, private hospitals are the way to go! This was my first experience of having an actual procedure in one (apart from all the appointments/blood tests etc in the clinic) and it was brill!

Anyway, onto the important bit! The consultant managed to get 7 eggs, which is one more than my first fresh cycle last year although she did say that a couple were from smaller follicles so might not be mature, but had already kind of expected that as only had 4 leading follicles at the scan on Monday.

Then we had the agonising wait to this morning to find out the fertility report. Unfortunately DH had to go into work so I got my mum round to wait for the call with me. It came at 10.30….4 of the eggs fertilised, the other 3 weren’t mature. I think I was hoping for 5 to fertilise so am slightly disappointed but mostly just relieved that we’ve got some! In our last round we had 6 eggs, all fertilised and 4 went to blastocyst. So I’m kind of expecting to lose 2, which will leave us with 2….2 is obviously better than none but, man. I’m having a bit of a hard time today with the ‘but its so unfair’ feelings. A colleague of mine has just had non-identical twins. She managed to pop out 2 embryos for free and I’ve spent the best part of £10k on a maybe. I’m getting really sick of this shit.

Just been talking to DH about getting our lives back for a bit. If this cycle doesn’t work, and we do manage to get a frostie I just don’t think I’ve got it in me to do a FET before our wedding in October. It takes so long to get back from the brink of despair – its harder each time and don’t think I can do it twice before the wedding. So if it doesn’t work then I think we’ll just have our lives back again for the rest of the year. We’ll eat what we want, drink what we want (well, obvs not anything, I will be on a wedding diet!!) and just be us again. Three years of relentless ttc-ing has been so exhausting and as awful as it is to not have our baby, it would be way worse to not have each other. I think it will be time to just be normal again for a while.

And that sounds pretty amazing right about now.