Pleasantly surprising post

On Tuesday I came home to 2 pieces of pleasantly surprising post!

Firstly there was a letter from the clinic to say they had booked in my hysteroscopy for 7th January! I can’t believe it’s being done so soon, it’s totally unheard of for the NHS! I then had a little google for the right time to perform a hysteroscopy/endo scratch and it seems that this is the in cycle preceding transfer, after ovulation. Now, I know that my clinic have not looked at my cycle to see when to book this in, they’ve just sent me an available appointment. This is a perfect example of the good and bad sides to my clinic: they get things done, but it’s not individualised to what I specifically need. But luckily if AF shows up on time, the hysteroscopy will be just after I’ve ovulated. If it’s late I’m buggared. Sigh. Plan of action is to wait for AF, if it’s late I’ll just get the appointment moved into the next week which will be a total nightmare for work but…. whatevs.

Today I called the clinic to ask some more questions about their unmedicated cycle, i.e. how unmedicated is it? From a quick google it seems (as ever) that different clinics give different levels of drugs for ‘natural’ cycles but my clinic only give progesterone after transfer. This has me a little concerned as for my last FET my lining wasn’t thick enough and I had to have another week on the meds. But I have no idea what my lining does naturally. So I suggested to the nurse that this month they scan me to see how my lining normally looks. It went like this:

Nurse: they’ll scan you during your cycle and if your lining isn’t thick enough they won’t go through with the transfer

Me: yes, I get that but wouldn’t it be best to check out my lining the month before transfer to predict what it’s likely to do

Nurse: well, they wouldn’t defrost your embryo if your lining wasn’t thick enough for transfer

Me: I understand that but I’m having a hysteroscopy the month before so think it would be good to check my lining too

Nurse: but they wouldn’t defrost your embryo if your lining wasn’t thick enough for transfer

Me (through gritted teeth): I understand that. But. I’m having a hysteroscopy to improve my chances of implantation. If then my lining isn’t thick enough the next month it will have been wasted. Isn’t it better to be able to predict how my lining will be and then do something about it if it’s not thick enough and not ‘waste’ the hysteroscopy?

Nurse: well…..I suppose we could book you in for a scan this month if you really want one.

Jesus – it’s like pulling teeth! I feel so bad for people who are not pushy like me, they must get nowhere in this process.

Anyway, the second piece of pleasantly surprising post was a lot more of a surprise. It was a package from my dad. A while ago I wrote this post about how my dad is pretty useless and not great with understanding/caring about others.

A week after my BFN I called him and left a message to let him know. Then I opened a bottle of wine. Three quarters of the bottle later (yes, I was drinking a bottle of wine entirely to myself, alone on a Friday night. Don’t judge me.) he called back. For the next 2 hours (and the remainder of the bottle) I preceded to chew his ear off about the general awfulness of IF and IVF. I didn’t quite cry but I was definitely on the wrong side of a wobbly voice a few times. This is the longest I have ever spoken to my father in one go, and definitely the first time I’ve ever been even close to wobbly voiced whilst doing so. I usually save my tears for when we get off the phone after he’s said something totally insensitive.

So on Tuesday when I saw the package I assumed it was presents for my nephews (which in its self is pretty unusual) as my dad will often send things to the wrong sibling (I’ve had birthday cards on my sister’s birthday and vice versa, many times). I certainly wasn’t expecting it to be a present for me – the last present my dad bought me was a pink Barbie bike with stabilisers. Each year I get a cheque for Christmas and a cheque for my birthday (or sometimes on my sister’s birthday!) and don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the cheques but presents are not something dad does.

Until now. He sent me an umbrella with a blue sky printed on the underside. There was a card that said he was sorry he hadn’t realised how hard the whole process had been on me and the umbrella was to remind me there are still blue skies.

Total. Blubbing. Mess.

So today, I feel good. I feel positive! Because, you see miracles can happen. I just got one in the post.