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Maternity leave

Well here I am, 38 weeks pregnant. It seems crazy that I’ve made it this far, that there is a real and proper person inside of me rather than a funny little alien thing! Because there is definitely a person inside me and I’m pretty sure it thinks the way to get out is to kick its way through my ribs!

It’s been so long since I updated my blog. Mostly because I’ve been so busy. The last 6 weeks or so of work were so incredibly busy that I kept thinking “I’ll update the blog when I’m on maternity leave”. I’ve now been on maternity leave for nearly 4 weeks (I had a load of annual leave to use up so have had a nice long lead up to D-Day) and I feel like I’ve been even busier!

For some reason we thought it was a great idea to do a load of home improvements in the 2 months before I’m due. So since February we’ve replaced our boiler and all windows and doors, had our hallway redecorated, decorated the nursery (still not finished) and replaced some of our carpets! It’s been total chaos and there has been dust everywhere, which has driven me crazy. But we’re finally close to finishing and by the end of this weekend hope to have the house pretty much back to normal.

Although I’ve been off work, so in theory I should be able to do lots of jobs, being this pregnant is pretty debilitating. I’ve found it really frustrating how little I can get done each day before I have to have a 2 hour sit down to recover. This has not been helped by my slipping down a few of my uncarpeted stairs this week resulting in a massive purple bruise on my bum and a painful, swollen foot that I can’t really walk on. Grrr. I just want to finish everything so I can laze around and relax before the baby comes but can’t relax until everything is done!

People keep asking me if I’m nervous about the birth…and so far I haven’t been as I’ve been focused on getting everything done. But in the last few days where I’ve been forced to sit down more I’ve been thinking about not just the birth, but the actual part of having a baby.

Of course most of me is just incredibly excited by the idea that I will finally get to meet my baby. That I will hold him/her in my arms – the moment I’ve waited so long for. But I don’t think I’d be normal if I didn’t have my anxieties about it too – what if I’m a useless mother? What if I do something really wrong and hurt the baby? What if the baby is really sick? What if we get one that cries all the time and I can’t handle it?….What if I just hate motherhood? I’m pretty sure I won’t seeing as it’s all that every fibre in my being has wanted for the last 5 years, but there is that chance that I just bloody hate it!

It’s pretty scary times. But mostly just an amazing time. I do feel so incredibly lucky and despite the aches and pains of being pregnant I know I’ll also miss that a lot too. I’m not sure I’m ready to share my baby with the rest of the world. At the moment its just the 2 two of us really, and we both know what we’re doing, we’re both contented with where we are but its all about to change. And I already know I don’t know how much life will change! Fertiles must get really freaked out by this….imagine thinking about/wanting a baby for 1 or 2 months and then getting pregnant! In a crazy crazy way, although I obviously wish I hadn’t had the painful journey to get here, at least I’ll (hopefully) be a little more prepared for it – despite my fears and anxieties.

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10 thoughts on “Maternity leave

  1. It’s so nice to hear from you! I totally chucked myself down the stairs butt first in my third trimester too. Ouch. Oooo what exciting times you have coming. I hope you have a nice, easy birth and a smooth transition into motherhood, my lovely. Take care x

  2. Aww so glad you’ve updated us. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing. I’m just entering the 3rd trimester now and already feel like I can’t do anything anymore…not sure how I’ll cope at 38 weeks!! Can’t wait to hear all about his or her arrival into the world!! Good luck lady xxx

  3. Sorry you feel down the stairs hope your ankle is getting better. Those heal at their own pace. You will do fine & prayers sent out of you.

  4. I’m quite sure there is no future mum who feels fully confident about everything.. but I’m sure that you’ll be fine and hope that there won’t be any issues with the baby and his/her arrival. Can’t wait to hear about it!! xx

  5. You’ve got this. And you’ll enjoy it all – even when they are nearly three and you could cheerfully throttle them 😄 get ready for the most amazing time of your life – all the best for a wonderful birth

  6. So lovely to read an update on how you and the peanut are doing. I’m so very excited for you! Do try to get some rest and recover from those mishaps. As the old saying goes, “you’re coming down the home stretch”. Good luck in the delivery room, you’re going to do great!

  7. Giving birth is a beautiful experience. I’ve never felt closer to my baby than during that. You realise just how mentally connected you are to each other. I almost did it naturally (ended up with an emergency c-section) and during the natural part it was just like really bad period pains – deep breathing , gas and the water pool helped loads. You’ll be amazed by what your body can do and your own pain threshold. At hypnobirthing we were taught to say ‘every surge (contraction) is bringing my baby closer to me’ – it helps you get through it.

    As for motherhood – it’s mental, can be pure chaos (has for me anyway) but you’ll be an amazing mum and even when your baby has a screaming fit you’ll know what to do because you’re mum and nobody gives a cuddle like you 🙂 even when it’s tough going there will be moments when you just gaze in awe at your little miracle and suddenly all the stress is totally worth it. it’s life changing and somedays I don’t recognise myself and even wonder who I am now but I guess it’s a new part of me.

    So very excited for you x

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