Well, here I am about half way through my 2ww. So far I’ve been pretty ok. The odd wobbly moment, one round of Christmas-advert-induced-sobbing but mostly ok. Definitely better than the first time I did this. Somehow having less hope has made it easier I think. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not without hope – I have been stupid enough to let my mind wander into how I’d tell family and friends if it was positive (why does my brain always do this?) but I’ve also had many daydreams about all the alcohol I’m going to drink at Christmas!
I think a big part of the reason I’ve not been too bad is I’ve been obsessively watching TheTudors whilst I sew a tapestry cushion cover thing! I’m literally a Lady in Waiting. It’s weird, it’s like I go into a zone when I’m sewing and watching where I don’t think about anything else. I had all sorts of other things planned for this 2ww and I’ve done none of them. I just sew and watch, watch and sew like I’m in a trance.
I’m hoping this almost-lack-of-crazy (although reading the paragraph above, maybe not such a lack of crazy) will continue for the remaining 6 days I have to wait. I could test before my OTD but I’m not going to. Although it is really tough living with the unknown, anxiety ridden world of the 2ww it’s preferable to the crushing sadness I felt after my last BFN. So for now I’ll just keep the dream alive until Saturday.
PS someone found my blog by goggling ‘got drunk during IVF’…oh dear, think I talk about alcohol too much!